i wont be held responsible,
she was touching her face.
why? still cant figure out why i could not control that one fit of anger. my whims got the better of me. was always proud of being impulsive. not anymore. all that was needed was a spark of thought before i acted. all that was needed was thought. i had to react, i had to let the heat out. no, i didnt have time, no time to think. i never intended for it to happen. yet, its happened. its the kind that cant be undone. its the kind i'll have to regret, forever. and thats one thing i never wanted to do. its hard to be free, guilt-free. thats what regret does to a man. it brings all sorts of shitstorm into his life. there's no asking for forgiveness this time, it cant be granted. there's no pleading for understanding. blood is out, it cant be pushed back in. the bored hole in her breast poured out her warm scarlet, full of love. i searched, there was no hate. this brought only more pain. refrain, isolate, suffer. now let me find a hole or a cover. should i hide? whats the point? they will follow my wake, i will be caught. and besides, she is gone. nowhere to go now. so i lay beside her, put the barrel to my mouth. i hold her hand that is slowly getting cold. i close my eyes, smile and try to dream - the dream of the dolphins.....
